I must admit the past several days have been tough both from a physical standpoint as well as an emotional one. Last weekend on Saturday afternoon I slipped while transferring from one seat to another luckily it was a controlled fall I was able to control my decent and where I would land. Still it takes a lot out of you relying on a modified bath lift to raise me up to be capable of transferring is no easy task.
Sunday not having recovered completely I was coaxed into going to our godchild's birth day, apparently ramps were available and everything was set, how could I say no. Of course on our way there it began to rain accompanied by thunder and lightning a real doozy, the ramps may have worked in dry weather unfortunately they were totally inappropriate, there is no way in hell I could have made it up the wet slippery icline so I decided to stay in the Van. Luckily our visit was short my godchild came to see me to give me a hug which I appreciated very much. After apologizing profusely for something which was basically out of their control we returned stopping to buy a few things and eating at Harveys before eading home. Deep down I knew I should not have gone and I expected nothing less than what I received which was disappointment a sense of helplessness feelings I can definitely do without especially when I can avoid them. It's bad enough sitting in a restaurant while you're spouse spoon feeds you, talk about a feeling of uselessness.
Sunday evening I managed to fall again yet this time it was not a controlled fall I really don't remember a time when I fell as hard as I did. I was standing trying to wash myself with a washcloth and all of a sudden my legs gave out and I fell big-time, let me assure you there was absolutely no control over that fall.
Bruises on my back, my arm leg and head from having smashed into the wall guaranteed that I would spend the next day very quietly doing nothing. And that is what I did yesterday absolutely nothing just trying to recuperate.
I hate this disease with a passion I hate the way it robs you slowly yet surely eating away at whatever bodily functions you have remaining. In some way I guess I'm fortunate since my cognitive faculties have not been affected and my eyesight is for the most part in great shape. So I can see myself slip away and I can appreciate why it is happening now isn't that a comforting thought. Someday a cure will be found and everything will be nice and rosy. Yeah Right in the meantime I'll try to hang on as long as I can.
Along the way I get to listen to all these people who have relapsing remitting multiple sclerosis who swear up and down that this disease will not get them and that they will overcome it! As if I didn't want to.
1 comment:
Hello Dad,
I feel bad for being so far away when you are feeling like this :( I hope that this week was a bit better anyways. I think about you all the time when it rains and how everyone runs to get inside and you can't. It's nice that Jeremy came out to see you, he must be a cute kid. Have you recovered from your fall?
xo
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