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Thursday, February 17, 2011

What a lousy day.

There are some days when my optimism seems to have gone awry and today was one of those days.
Today started off rather normally my spouse helped me out of bed, sat in my motorized wheelchair went to the washroom.
Then as she does every morning she dressed me as always towards the end after my trousers, socks and shoes are on, I make my way to the bathroom vanity where I get up and stand so she can lift my trousers. After this comes the T-shirt and then finally the coffee.

A quick conversation a kiss goodbye then she's out the door to return depending on her shift either five-ish or around 6 PM.
This gives me plenty of time to accomplish many things and do all those projects I've been planning to do so today I accomplished Nothing Absolutely Nothing! Certainly not because I didn't want to yet even though I've had MS for so long I've forgotten or I forget it's all encompassing hold it has on me. I wanted to fix an electric chair and needed to solder a wire, you think I could do that? Not a hope in hell. It is difficult to solder when you cannot feel the inside of your hands or the tip of your fingers, oh believe me I can still feel heat and I burnt myself a few times with that stupid soldering iron. So my chair is in the living room still not fixed and I'll need to once again ask my spouse for help.

I cannot hold on to utensils, I have an odd way of holding onto a fork and a spoon well it's a different challenge when it comes to a knife forget it I don't even touch it. My right hand isn't strong enough to cut a steak so again I must rely on my spouse to cut my food. I have my drivers license yet I haven't driven in quite some time it's too much of a hassle as we park the vehicle underground and the spaces are not wide enough for me to access the vehicle when I would like. In addition you know those commercials where they show you how easy it is to remove the seats to make room for the handicapped individual in a wheelchair well that's a bunch of crap. The damn seats must weigh over 100 pounds and they are certainly not easy to remove, oh yes they have wheels and once you get them on the wheels it's not so bad yet it's certainly not something I can do myself so again I must call my spouse.

When she returns from work there is usually a number of items papers, remote controls stuff I've dropped during the day yes I could use one of those pickup tools and I tried to repair mine today. You see the string broke yet it's long enough that I can thread it through the hole and glue something a button anything on the end of the string are prevented from going back into the grabber. Do you think I could squeeze five minute epoxy out of the tubes no, I tried and tried and poked a hole inside must be old. I know we have a new one somewhere in a cupboard I can not reach.

My arms, hands and fingers don't work that well my legs don't work at all. If I transfer it is a standup and twist motion before I sit down. Most everything I transfer to needs to be 24 or 25 inches high if not I do not have the strength to lift and transfer. I'm getting really sick of this yet there is not much I can do. Oh I love my computer really don't know what I would do without it yet I wish I'd be able to do other things I loved doing other things. If anything broke at my neighbors or my families homes whether it be well anything I was the first they would call. If you're well was not providing water I'd fix it, if your television was on the blink I would fix that too, lawn mowers, electrical, plumbing I did it all and now I feel so incapacitated and alone.

I am beginning to understand why many people who sought Dr. Kevorkian's assistance where people with MS. This really sucks!

4 comments:

Lisa Emrich said...

I'm sorry today has been such a lousy day. Thinking of you,

Peace Be With You said...

I am glad you thought enough of us to share the reality of your life today. I wish I could make it better for you just as I wish I could make it better for myself. Alas, that is at best a work in progress. I wish you solace and, if you can find it, joy.

Judy

Karen said...

Oh Michael,
I am so sorry you are having such a bad day. I can understand your frustration at not being able to accomplish what you set out to do.

It is so hard as our capabilities keep dwindling and our limitations confine us more and more.

I often feel very alone as well, but connecting with others in similar situations makes it all a little easier to bear.

There isn't much to say or do to make it better, but I hope that knowing others care, helps a bit.

Tomorrow is a new day, maybe it will be a better one. MS can take a lot from us, but don't let it take your hope.

Stuff could be worse said...

I do get upset when my chair does not work, causes me to panic. We do understand these lousy days. I hope for a better tomorrow.
kim

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